IF YOU HAVE NOT LISTENED TO THIS WEEK'S PODCAST EPISODE, YOU CAN LISTEN TO IT AT THIS LINK PIT005
One of my favorite things about cooking BBQ is the connections that are formed or built while cooking meat on the smoker. I mean, yeah sure, nobody is up with you at 4 am or 11 pm cooking with you. But the rest of the time, where do your guests tend to stay? Outside with you at the smoker enjoying the smells, the sights, the drinks and the conversations. I’ve had lots of laughter, jokes and just stupid conversations around the smoker. But then, some of my most personal conversations have happened while smoking meat. My buddy Shea and I have spent hours talking, laughing and listening to some awesome music while cooking barbecue.
Honestly, connections around the pit are part of our work at Wright’s and other bbq joints. That’s part of it. When you spend that much time with other fellas in the extreme cold, extreme heat with long hours and hard work, you are going to build some bonds. We share in each other’s good times and we share in each other’s hard times and I love this part of bbq. Cooking great barbecue is more than just fire and meat on the cooker…it is about the meat of the relationships and the fire they ignite inside of us.
And that is why Lesson 10, “The Connection” is so important to us as men. If you have seen the logo for Life Around the Pit, then you may have noticed that the word “connection” is part of the logo. It’s there for a reason.
What does the word “connection" mean? What is its definition?
- The Oxford Dictionary defines connection as “a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else.”
- The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines connection as 1) “a person connected with another especially by marriage, kinship, or common interest” and then 2) “a political, social, professional, or commercial relationship.”
Now look even further at the definition of the word “community”. How is it defined?
- The Oxford Dictionary defines community as 1) “a group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common.” and 2) “a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.”
- The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines community as “a unified body of individuals”.
Based on those definitions and from what I have experienced in my life and my time around the BBQ pit, community and connection are important, and here in a minute I am going to give you three main reasons why belonging to a community is important. But I’ve always said that “everyone wants to be seen, everyone wants to be heard, everyone wants to be accepted, loved and included in a group of people.” I mean, look around, you see it everywhere. It is the reason we have clicks, social clubs, social groups, online and in-person communities, mastermind groups and even political sides. We want to belong to something and we want to know we fit in.
- Melinda Gates said that ““Deep human connection is…the purpose and the result of a meaningful life…”
- And then Tom Ford said that “the most important things in life are the connections you make with others.”
So, we need and we want connection and we want to belong to a community of like-minded people. These connections through community provide value and transformation that go well beyond just ourselves. The encouragement, value and transformation ripple out beyond just us. The growth, encouragement and learning that comes from being involved in a community drives us to be more intentional in our life which affects our families, our friends, our places of work, our places of worship. Our intentionality creates positive motion that ripples even further out into the communities we live in.
You may ask, “how is this ripple effect created through community? How does being connected to a community provide value and transformation for us?” Here are three main reasons why I believe that being a part of a community transforms us as men:
REASON 1: ENCOURAGEMENT | BUILDING UP
- Reason number 1 is that through community, we connect in a safe and positive way that brings encouragement where we can build up and we can BE built up!
- Life is tough, and there are times we just struggle to get it done or get through it. As crazy as it seems and while we don’t always like to admit it, sometimes we just all need some help and encouragement. Sometimes we need someone or a group of someones to “run something by them for some advice” or even, just hear us out. That is where community comes in handy. If you are having a hard time figuring out something in life, or struggling to move the needle in an area of importance, or even removing something negative from your life, then community is immensely valuable for you. A community of other men is a place where you can talk, discuss, ask, listen, share mistakes and be encouraged because a group of men with the same common bond understand and walk the same path with you. Some are more ahead on the path than others, and that provides experience and value that you can be encouraged by.
- A great example of community is something like Alcoholics Anonymous right? Why? Because they are working together to meet a goal and they live lives with similar experiences that encourage and motivate each other.
- In a community of men that love and cook barbecue, the experience and wisdom from those that have been in it longer will be so valuable to me: they can share their mistakes on cooking ribs so that I don’t make the same mistake. That right there is value in and out of itself!! And then, if you do make a mistake…they have probably made the same mistake and they will encourage you to keep cooking!
- “I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” - Brene Brown
- “No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” - Charles Dickens
- “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” - Galatians 6:2
- “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” - Proverbs 11:14
REASON 2: ACCOUNTABILITY
- Reason number 2 is that through community, we have a sense of acceptance and accountability!
- Back to the idea of a community such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Celebrate Recovery, not only are you walking with other people with common experiences that can help encourage you, the community provides a safe place of accountability. They do this by meeting together regularly, having homework assignments, written rules and guidelines, and relationships that are open for the hard conversations and touch base calls that are needed to keep you on the right track. This provides acceptance knowing that you belong and are important and seen even in your struggles.
- We all need accountability in some form or fashion. Why do we hire personal trainers or why do we have life coaches, business coaches and financial coaches? Because we know if we try to do it on our own, we will fall off the wagon the second day. On the first day, I’m stoked and I can do this. I can get up at 5 am and be at the gym first thing. The next day…”you mean I gotta do this again?” Yeah, I don’t know. I mean, it is dark outside. It is cold outside. It is hot outside. The sun is shining outside…so maybe tomorrow. And then tomorrow never comes. So hold me accountable.
- Our Pit Manager, Tommy, is there to keep us accountable. He makes sure we are thinking through the little things while cooking so that the end product is the best it can be. And he is there to explain why something happened: why the meat was dry or why it should have been wrapped later in the cook. He is there to keep us accountable to the cook and the end product. And he is there to cheer us on when the meat is fire on point!
- “Community is much more than belonging to something; it’s about doing something together that makes belonging matter.” - Brian Solis
- “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” - Hebrews 10:24-25
- What ways can you name in your life that you could use some accountability?
REASON 3: NETWORK | RESOURCE
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Reason number 3 is that through community, we build connection with a network beyond just ourselves!
- When you think about what you have access to, or what assets you possess that are of value, or can provide help to others…you can probably think of quite a bit right? You might list out the cash you have on hand, or the vehicles you own, the home you live in or the tools you might have in your garage. But when you join in and belong to a community of others, you have now added an endless opportunity of assets that you have access to. You now have a larger connection and network of friends: I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy. For instance, what happens if I need to cook over in Nashville while I live here in Arkansas and I don’t have a trailer smoker that I can take over to Tennessee, I can reach out to my barbecue community to see who knows someone over there that can provide the smoker for me so I don’t have to transport a smoker across states?
- When my family and I decided to cook for our community of Centerton during COVID, we did not have the money to pay for all of the meat, wood, smoker, tools or supplies needed for six months of providing meals. However, we reached out to our community of friends and family along with our new church family at Canvas Church. They provided the cash and the supplies and tools I needed such as pans, warmers and tables. I had access to people to help prepare and serve meals and even run around looking for pork butts at the last minute.
- “We have more help and unlimited possibilities at our fingertips when we are part of a community of others.” - Tony Brown
- “Alone, we can do so little; together, we can do so much” – Helen Keller
- “If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” – African Proverb
- “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” - Ecclesiastes 4:12
So I hope that this week’s episode and blog post will open your mind a little more to the importance of “connection” or “community”. I have to say, community is one of those things I’ve struggled finding the importance of over there years, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized the transformative power of it in my life. I cannot do this alone. But looking back I can see how much community really was a part of my life. While I was a musician, the bands I traveled with were my community. It has always been a part of my life.
King David wrote in Psalm 133 “Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!” As I said earlier and I will say it again, cooking great barbecue is more than just fire and meat on the cooker…it is about the meat of the relationships and the fire they ignite inside of us. (use this as my quote for the week)
TIP OF THE WEEK
This week’s tip of the week is this: Community doesn’t have to be a massive group of people to be your community, but it should add value to your life…and YOU should be adding value back to it. Take a look at your activities and lifestyle and see what types of communities you are a part of. Think about how active you are in them and what value you are providing them. The true tip here: being a part of a community means you are involved, you take action and are active in helping and providing value to the others in the community. You are not just part of a community for what you get out of it, you are a part of that network of resources for others!
Until next time, season some meat, start a fire and make an impact!
IF YOU HAVE NOT LISTENED TO THIS WEEK'S PODCAST EPISODE, YOU CAN LISTEN TO IT AT THIS LINK PIT005